debbiebradleyThat pent up rage, which you ignore from one day to the next… that discomfort, unease, not wanting to accept what’s all around you, and yet… you deal, you handle, you shut it down, put up with it a little more.
Hell, it’s the story of your life… just deal, keep going, keeping “making do” with what you have. That’s what we do, right? That’s what people do!
They take a look around, decide they don’t like what they see and yet they carry on anyway. Leaving it all exactly as it is, exactly as it always was.
Keep calm… carry on…
That’s the way right?
Well, what happens if that’s not the way?
What happens if, when you look around, you hate all that you see?
What happens if, when you look around, you can’t keep calm?
What happens if there’s something inside you that rises up, a frustration, a wave of anger, that wants to tear it all down and light it on fire?
Then what??
What do you do then?
Keep calm, carry on…
No.
You’ve been doing that long enough. You’ve been trying that way, and yet that frustration keeps rising up, keep rearing its head and you can’t choke it down anymore.
This is not your life, or how you’re meant to live it!
All this stuff that you’ve surrounded yourself, that you know means nothing.. but you hold on anyway, you just keep holding… holding… grounding into it… holding steady… maintaining your position
What happens when you strip all that away?
What happens when you no longer entertain those ideas that you have to have all this shit that you’ve held onto, had piled on over the years?
What happens when you finally let go?
Let the rage deep inside you take over, and allow it break free of all the softly, softly confines that you’ve settled back into for so long?
What happens then?
Who are you, then?
What do you do, then?
What do you want, then?
What will you have, then?
Hmm?
Cos that thing that keeps coming up inside you, that anger that you just can’t shake… it doesn’t keep cropping up for no reason. Oh, no. It comes up for a damn good reason… it knows, you know, deep down in your soul, at the bottom of your heart, and in the pit of your stomach… that place where that feeling stems from… that knows you know… that all this? This is bullshit.
It’s not yours.
It’s not meant for you.
And no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise it’s not meant for you!.
Not one teeny-tiny little bit of it.
Not one iota.
And that feeling you keep blocking, shoving down, drowning out day in, day out… that’s only there for one thing. It’s only asking one thing, and only searching for one answer…
When you listen to that feeling… when you finally let it run wild and free…
When you allow it to strip away all that you have…
All that you think you need…
When you dig deeper and shed more and more…
When you feel like everything is gone.
When you feel completely empty… drained…
When there’s else nothing left…
That voice that had you going mad will rear up, and it will ask you… in a slow, calm, almost taunting way…
Now that all you thought you wanted is gone… all the ideas, all the complaints, the excuses, all the pain, all the “stuff” that you thought you wanted…
Now all that is gone, what’s left?
And there’s only one answer you’ll need.
“Me.”
