I realised something…
I don’t allow myself to be good at things.
Which is crazy because I am good at things, what I don’t allow is for myself to be SUCCESSFUL doing the things I’m good at.
Because I find it easy. I’ve always found it easy to be good at the things I’ve wanted to be good at, and from an early age, back in school, being good at things was easy for me. If it wasn’t, it was usually because I wasn’t interested in it.
Also, I went through a phase of trying to be good at things, so I’d push through, put a plan of action in place, get good at it, then realise I was bored or miserable.
That’s when I decided the only RIGHT thing for me to do was focus on what I enjoyed, whether I was naturally good at it, or had to learn to be good at it.
Now I’m at a point where I have a whole host of things that I’m good at, things in life, things in business, and everywhere in between, but I haven’t been doing anything with them.
I often have people ask me why I haven’t pursued one area or another. People ask me why I haven’t skyrocketed my business with my skills, why I keep hiding, or, there’s my mums’ question;
“what’s it like being the smarted person in the room and doing nothing with it?”
Oh yeah, she asked that.
That’s a mum take-down of the highest order!
There have been all kinds of theories and ideas, I’m lazy, I’m not interested, I’m disconnected, distracted easily, have too many ideas, I’m waiting for the right time… so many things.
Then there was good old FEAR
Fear of failure is a big thing that holds people back from doing the things they want to.
What happens if I fail?
What happens if I invest in this and lose everything?
What will I lose?
I, somehow, convinced myself for about 12 minutes that I must have a fear of failure, kept toying with the idea, trying to figure out what it was I was so afraid of losing if I were to try these crazy wonderful ideas of mine and FAIL.
By the time I’d DECIDED (not learned, or discovered, No, I DECIDED) I had a fear of failure, I’d already given up or lost so much.
I no longer had a job, I was in the worst financial position of my life, my mental health was rock bottom… all in all, everything was pretty shit.
Because everything had been so hard? Because I’d worn myself out trying to do everything and have all the success I wanted?
Not really, not when I looked it properly. As much as I liked to try and convince myself otherwise, there was TONS of stuff going on, but none of it was because I was struggling with any of it.
No, other people were struggling with me being good at things.
Like in school when people didn’t like me knowing the right answers; “Oh, there she goes again”
Or that person that literally hit me for being “too smart” and felt I needed to be “brought down a peg or two”
Like the boss who tried to belittle me because I did his job better than he did. Or the other boss that threatened my “career” after I fixed his mess, but his boss found out what he’d done anyway, so he was still in the shit (Just FYI – that’s no way to thank someone for covering your incompetent ass!)
It’s like all the interviews I went on where some middle-aged guy in a suit would tell me I wasn’t good enough because I was too young, or female. “I know men who’ve been in this game longer than you’ve been alive young Miss, what makes you think you’re even good enough?” (had nothing to do with the company trying to appeal to women my age and me being one… nothing. Moron)
I was always a shy kid, I never wanted to step up, I never wanted to be in the spotlight. I was happy to sit at the back, keep my head down, do the work, get the results, but I never wanted the attention – Introvert Alert!
Even when it came to group/team efforts, I did most of the work, but then either shared or handed over the credit to someone else ESPECIALLY if it meant I’d have attention for it.
In a lot of ways, I still do.
And all because all around me, I saw people working hard. Trying their hardest, putting in extra time and attention, working at 110% for minimal results, and here was me just doing it, breezing through like it’s no big deal and getting great results from it.
All this talk of struggle and strife, needing to work hard, to push, to do more, try harder, all this stuff to get results; good results, better results… I didn’t need any of that.
It’s not fair.
I’m not afraid of failure, I’m a fucking PRO at failing, I made it so. All because I felt I needed to struggle, to earn my rewards… so struggle and fail I did.
It’s so fucking hard to fail.
It’s so hard to struggle.
It’s so hard to try keeping up and putting all your energy into JUST getting by, and JUST making ends meet.
So after my 12 minutes with my fear of failure, I realised I’m not afraid to fail like I said “I’m the motherfucking QUEEN of failure” what I am, is afraid to succeed.
Fear of success is a real deal.
And when I first delved into it I had a conversation with a Mindset Coach, he reminded me that all fear comes down to losing something… so “If I were to succeed, what is it that I’m afraid to lose?”
Maybe I’m afraid to succeed, then lose it all again?
Am I afraid that when I succeed, my friends and family will struggle with it?
Will I lose my “poor me” story? (we all have one of those – think to Titanic and Rose’s “Poor little rich girl” story)
As much as these things could all be true, I know they’re all just bullshit excuses.
Just surface-level crap that means nothing, so I struggled to even find a reason I’d be afraid to succeed.
No, it can’t be that.
That’s ridiculous… don’t be stupid.
Shit! There it is.
“Oscar Wilde said, “Each man kills the thing he loves.” And it’s true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either.”Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
“We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either”
THAT right there, that’s what I’ve felt. Always felt, but it’s been so ingrained in me from years of getting what I want, from being right, that I didn’t even recognise GUILT because it was always there inside me.
It’s what made me feel bad as a young girl in school getting the answers right after so many of my classmates had tried so hard and got it wrong – because it was OBVIOUS to me.
It’s what made me feel that I couldn’t share my wins with my friends when something great “just happened” in my life when they were always trying so hard and falling flat.
It’s what I felt when, despite everything, I still got by, somehow, when other people were struggling worse than I was, and all without any effort on my part.
What was I doing?
I was just existing, things just kept coming to me, whether I asked for it or not, it just came. All so easily.
And I’d see the people around me feeling hurt, disappointed, upset, let down, jealous, angry… all because they weren’t getting what they were trying SO FUCKING HARD for, while I just breezed on by without a care in the world.
Because those things didn’t mean that much to me, they were never things I set out for.
They were just expected to happen in some way
None of the things I succeeded at or had good results from were things I’d ever TRIED to do.
So why have I been so afraid of success?
Because I feel GUILTY AS FUCK for getting or doing something easily when I see so many other people trying SO HARD!
I’ve been holding back, forcing myself to struggle in a shitty rundown life, so far away from what I ever envisioned for myself, so far away from what I want for myself, and know that I’m capable of having (as do those closest to me) that I’ve been FORCING myself to struggle, because I felt I had to, because if I’m struggling, I’m just like them. I’m just like everyone else who’s struggling.
I don’t “deserve” to have it easy, and just let it be whatever it’s going to be.
All to protect myself from feeling guilty.
What kind of dumb shit is that?
It’s selfish really.
So am I really doing anyone a favour by making myself struggle and live this shitty little below-par life? Am I Fuck.
Am I supposed to just be doing my thing, the easy thing, letting it all unfold, living my best life, having the easy success I know I’m supposed to without listening to those that preach on “struggle” like it’s some kind of life-need? You bet your ass I am!
And is it OK if people feel triggered by that? If they feel hurt, disappointed, upset, let down, jealous, angry, or whatever, because I’m doing, being, getting and having my thing and they’re not? Yep. It sure is.
Because that’s their shit that they need to work on – it’s not my responsibility to PREVENT people feeling any of those things, no, no, no, no, no… they need to feel those things… because THOSE things, whether you like it or not, THOSE THINGS are showing you where you’re out of integrity in your own life, and it’s time to sort that shit out!
Wanna start sorting it out?
I get it. We’ve all been there, so let’s sort this shit out
It sucks, right?
That shitty low feeling where you just feel down, deflated, pissed off with the world for no reason, and you’ve just had enough.
You’re not particularly angry, or sad, or maybe you are, maybe you’re just feeling “ugh!” (yes, that’s a real feeling) that kinda nothingness where you know something’s up, but you’re not quite sure what.
Well, how about we get right in there and sort that shit out?
This is my personal 5-Step Reset that I go through to get me from Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!
I’m not saying it’ll be fun n easy, there’s no magic cure, but this works, every time.
I come back to this all the time, and I’ve shared it with my closest friends when they’re having a shitty day (or a week, or month, or however long) and it works for them too…
So how about it, are you done feelin’ like shit? Are you ready? Let’s go
Drop your details into the form, and I’m gonna send you over a quick audio that talks you through the 5 steps I take, that are going to help you go from
Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!