Are you being all of you?
I mean 100% fully, all of you, unapologetically, no holds barred…
When are you ever truly being all of you?

It’s an interesting question when you dig into it. You notice all the times you downplay this, emphasise that, always just tweaking little bits of who you are to suit the situation.
Maybe you feel there’s something to hide or embellish, some part of you that’s not enough, or too much…
… Who am I to have…
… Who am I to want…
… Who am I to be…
… How can I prove…
… How can I show…

But really, it’s none of that.

What are you so afraid of?
Why do you feel a need to hide these parts of yourself?
Because you’re not good enough?
Because you’re too good?

Yeah, this shit works both ways. You see it too.

I remember a teacher once pulling me aside to ask why I never answered in class, then he told me in all his years of teaching, he’d never seen a student so afraid of getting the answer right. It’s a strange thing to be told, to have observed about you, but that’s what it was.
I never wanted to be seen, I never wanted the attention, especially if it were a question no one was “meant” (expected) to know the answer to. Was I being too much? Was I racing ahead of myself? Was that allowed? How will other people take it? I was already the weirdo, the know-it-all nerd who got good grades effortlessly, did I really need to flaunt that?
Why was I so afraid? Well, because I’d learned to be, I’d had adults be annoyed with me for knowing things they didn’t, for being right and telling them they were wrong. I didn’t do it to be rude, I just did it to share knowledge, but it was never seen like that. To them, I was just a child showing off and trying to make the adults look like idiots (ego, much?)

I learned to hide it away fairly young, but it followed me into the workplace – who do you think you are? What makes you think you know anything? Why would I give you that job, you’re only 19, be realistic! What makes you think you’re capable?
I even had a manager threaten to “end my career” because his manager found out he’d fucked up and potentially cost the company tens of thousands… all I did was fix the problem and deigned to mention that I had when asked directly about it by senior management.

You can’t do that…
You can’t know that…
It’s not your position…
Who do you think you are?
Get over yourself!

OK, Hide.. shut down, stay quiet, pretend, act like you don’t know, give the credit to someone else, let them take the lead, be quiet, stay small, stop

Get over it, and stop with the continual downplaying, hiding, covering up the competency with insecurity so other people can feel satiated. Feel better about themselves and their incompetency.

I thought we were done with all of that?
You were done with that.
I was definitely done with that!
But here it is… the old habits back again.
The doubt, the insecurity, the constant second-guessing of yourself and your own abilities.

… Who am I to…
… How can I show…
… How do I…

It keeps on going, but where has it got you?
Take a look around, do you like this? Do you want this?
Because THIS is what all that has got you.
And between you and me, it’s pretty shit.
So stop it.

Let me ask you this…
Who are you when you’re truly being all of you?
Who are you with, when you’re free to be yourself in all your glory?
What are you doing? How are you carrying yourself? Pay attention to that… pay special attention to that.

Are you hunched over, your shoulders dropped, your chest tight, or are you stood tall, head held high, shoulders back, expansive, in control, able to breathe fully… yeah, I thought so.
Are you serious, sullen, and dull, not really saying much, not doing much, somewhat distant, kinda bored and disconnected from what’s going on around you, or are you lit up? Smiling, laughing, sharing, being part of the moment, not just a bystander to it.

That’s what I thought…

That’s you.
No mask required. No filters.

You’re not hiding. You’re not covering. Not compensating. You just are.

You can have everything you ever want when you stop holding back on being all of you.

So what are you waiting for?

Here… it’s yours.
Not that you need it… you should be choosing it.

People will get butt-hurt, it’s fine don’t worry about them. That’s their problem. They can either get on with it or get over it. It’s not your responsibility to protect them anymore, to protect their ego. Let it go.
Be all you were meant to be.
Do all you were meant to do.

That’s all there is to it!

Debbie x

This writing that I do? It all starts in a journal.
Every day I sit and I write.
All the thoughts and I ideas I have come through when I take time out from the world and just let it happen. Some of those ideas I share with you here, in Journal Entries
I want to share that freedom with you, so I created something for you.
“Life is a script of your own writing” – that’s what we’re doing here; we’re writing our scripts, creating our lives.

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