When you feel like people are walking all over you, this may seem harsh, but it’s your fault.
Ouch! That stung a little, right?
Maybe you’ve noticed a pattern of people doing/saying something, that makes you feel like crap. You keep going about your day with this feeling… something’s off.
It might not be a big thing, it could be something small, like asking for a favour, a passing comment, something small and seemingly insignificant to the regular day to day stuff, but it weighs on you.
It could be the kind of thing that people would/could say you were overreacting about if you were to complain…
Its not about what they think… it’s about YOUR self respect.
Everyone has a tipping point, and it’s about boundaries.
That boss that talks to you like shit, but would flip out if you spoke to them the same way; that’s their boundary.
The person that says no to seemingly ‘easy’ stuff… that’s their boundary.
The person who turns their phone off at
It probably isn’t your fault this started.
We learn our life lessons early on, taking on what we learn as children as part of us as adults.
Maybe you had a well-meaning adult telling you to ‘just let it go’ when you were riled up about something as a kid, so as to not cause a scene.
Some old person squeezing your cheeks, but you were told to just ‘let it go’ because it’s ‘who they are’
An older sibling that treated you like crap after a bad day, but you just had to ‘let it go because they didn’t really mean it’
Maybe you were told to share your toys, even though you didn’t want to because you didn’t like the other kid, maybe didn’t even know them, because that’s the “nice” thing to do and then told not to make a scene when you tried to say no.
Perhaps it’s the “just ignore them and they’ll get bored and leave you alone” that you heard when some kid was heckling you or bullying you.
Take a look at what’s happening in your life RIGHT NOW that tips you over the edge… do they correlate with things you were told to ‘let go’ as a child? My guess is probably yes.
Putting up with a shitty boss that flies off the handle when he’s having a bad day at the office, may be similar to you ‘letting it go’ when your stepdad lost his temper after a “bad day”
Or not speaking up with your great ideas, that you KNOW will be beneficial, because you got used to your ideas being belittled or ignored ‘because you’re young’
Bottling up your emotions and feelings, because no one listens or takes them seriously… like that time when you were a kid and people laughed because you were so upset over something the grown-ups didn’t think were important. (No, I still haven’t watched the end of E.T. Ok? Leave me alone)
Saying yes to the thing you DON’T wanna do, because you were expected to just get on with it and not cause a scene, or upset the person asking.
Take back control, and set boundaries.
Being in control of your life doesn’t mean you have to take on the tyrannical traits of Joffrey Baratheon… far from it. It’s about standing up for yourself, being firm with what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re not.
It’s about standing up for yourself.
Having difficult conversations.
Putting yourself as a priority (a thing that all those people telling
Standing your ground.
Not sharing toys if you don’t want to.
Telling the bully to do one.
Could people out on their double standards and their hypocrisy – like the “friends” who slate your life, but have done nothing with their own. Or the
People will disrespect you when you disrespect yourself!
It’s that simple.
If people see you letting things slide, readjusting to suit others, putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own (this is not to be confused with being selfish) , then they’re going to join in. They’re going to see what they can get away with. And because you have no boundaries in place, you’re going to let them. Then you’re going to feel shit about it.
Even your kids will do it.
If you give them a warning then don’t follow through, they’ll not care the next time they get the warning.
If you give in when they kick off for an easy life, they’ll kick off every time, then turn into shitty petty adults.
If you tell them not to interrupt, but let them, or don’t have a consequence, then they’ll continue interrupting.
If they see you letting people talk to you like shit, they’ll think
By not setting your own boundaries and being clear about what you will accept in your life, then you will only have yourself to blame when everyone around you starts treating you like a doormat.
But it’s fixable.
You can fix it.
You just need to start being firm.
Both with yourself, and those around you.
Sometimes it would seem easier at this point to pack your bags, move to a remote location where no one knows and start over completely from scratch, with no reminders or people to challenge what you’re doing… but that’s the easy way out, and it doesn’t guarantee you’ll get to the bottom of the problem.
So here’s a more practical way…
The next time someone asks you something you want to say no too… say no!
“Sorry, I can’t do that, I’m busy.” is more than enough of an explanation.
“No thanks, that’s not for me right now”
Y’know, all those really awkward difficult words that are gonna end the world… the
Those words. Say them.
If you don’t you’ll be hurting your own feelings, and when you do, the other person probably;y won’t even be that bothered (unless they’re a complete self involved narcissist, in which case you’re better off without them anyway)
I’m not going to lie to you, it will feel icky and awkward… and they’ll maybe question you once or twice “really? Are you sure? Couldn’t you just…? Just this once?”
No. No, I can’t. I won’t.
It will probably be a shock to them, and they won’t get the hint straight away, but once you start saying it, and keep saying it, it will get easier… and you’ll be imposed on less.
It’s not about being a dick. It’s about allowing yourself space to do the things that are important to you.
Standing by your own values.
Making your own rules.
Living by your own rules.
Maybe there will come a point where you do need to sit down and have a proper conversation about what you’re willing to allow. Maybe some people just don’t get the hint, and you need to be super firm, and super clear. Maybe there will be someone who you’ll just need to cut off completely. It won’t be easy, but it’s do-able.
You got this!
Take some time,
Figure out what you’re willing to accept and put up with.
What you are NOT willing to accept or put up with any more
Then take a stand.
It doesn’t have to be