Three words, all with similar meanings, but each one more powerful than the next.
We live our lives saying these words… we have lists of them, whether on paper or in our heads…
But there’s one that is misused, often confused; NEED
We often say NEED when we really mean should…
I found myself saying a lot of “I need to…” a lot over the past year. Especially with the business;
– I need to grow my social media following.
– I need to start a Facebook group
– I need to plan a training program/course.
– I need to find more clients.
I had a list for home too…
– I need to decorate
– I need to list unused stuff on eBay
– I need to get fit/lose weight.. stop drinking coffee… eat less chocolate etc, etc…
And the world has a list of “should”s for me…
– I should meet someone, settle down
– I should keep my house spotless at all times
– I should show up every day looking a certain way
– I should act a certain way
– I should speak a certain way (be on my “best behaviour” whatever that means)
Here’s the caveat
My list of “need to” things, all stemmed from the outside
What I was told I should do
How I should do…
How I should be…
If I want to succeed in business. If I want to be a good mum, If I want to be happy in my life etc…
These are all things I’m told I should say, be or do if I want to fit in!
They all come from someone else’s perception, based on how they live their life… how they succeed… and they’re telling me or showing me that I need to do all of those things too if I want to fit in with them.
But they’ll never say that last part.
They’ll never say it’s to fit in with them.
That bit gets masqueraded as “wanting the best for me”
That’s the hidden part of “You wanna be in my club, here are the rules”
I’m throwing out that list. I started throwing it out a few months ago, but I’ve been holding on. I nearly let go of it a year ago, but couldn’t figure out how.
So here I am.
I’m letting go of the list because I realised something about those words…
“want” is more powerful than “should”
and “want” can also be more powerful than “need”
Don’t get me wrong, there ARE things we should do that are also needs, like feeding and immunising our kids/pets, and important shit like that for the wellbeing of ourselves and others
We live our lives thinking we “need” to do things we should, but ignore most of them in order to do things we want. Then we feel bad for ignoring our needs for our measly wants.
But let me ask you this…
What happens when you really need or want something?
You do it.
If you really, truly need something, it doesn’t matter what you want any more, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter what you should be doing.
When you need it, you go for it
“should” is that annoying thing that happens when we’re in our heads… stuck in thoughts and ideas, listening to the voices of other people telling us what’s what. Picked up from how you’ve seen other people act and behave, or tell you you should…
Want comes from a deeper place.
And need comes from an even deeper place…
It’s a primal urge to say “fuck yes” to yourself and what’s going on beneath the surface.
It has no (or very little) rhyme or reason to it when compared to what you’ve got going on, or how you’ve been living up until this moment.
It’s the difference between walking past the shop thinking “I want a new pair of trainers” to “holy fuck, I NEED those in my life” and before you know it you’ve bought a pair of 5-inch heels that you’ll maybe wear once a year. Trainers be damned! (or bought later)
The REAL you beneath all the bullshit and the preconceived expectation
It’s the ache in your heart when you quiet your instincts to follow the herd or fit in so you’re not embarrassed or ashamed.
It’s the pit in your stomach when you know something’s wrong, but let it happen anyway cos you can’t consciously, or logically figure out why.
It’s a craving.
Some call it a calling.
It’s what turns you ON!
Gets you fired up.
That’s what you NEED
Anything less than that is simply a want, or a should.
It’s the difference between asking someone if you can kiss them, and having a full-on throwdown where you don’t remember HOW you even got there, or “how it happened”
Stop fucking around with SHOULDS and treating them as needs!
They’re killing you slowly.
You just don’t know it yet.
They’re what you hear about when you listen to a dying person talking about regrets after a full and rich and “successful” life – they don’t regret the stuff they did – they regret all the things they didn’t do.
The calling from deep inside of them that they ignored because they had a super important list of shoulds that they put ahead of needs and wants.
Want never seems to lose its importance. It’s the in-between stuff that we do if we have time, and we somehow manage to make time for that… if we don’t we write it off as something we “probably didn’t really want in the first place”
From now on I want you to take this and make sure your shit’s REALLY in order
Want trumps should, and
NEED crushes all else and will lead you to live a killer life.
Don’t waste time on your needs on your shoulds.
Put your needs above all else.
I mean it.
Stop putting that shit off, and find a way to make it work!