The trifecta of self-destruction
Not my usual topic, but something that’s been on my mind for a while.
Getting high is like the new equivalent of smoking was back in high school – all the kids are doing it, and if you’re not you’re a loser.
Well, I’m happy to be a “loser” thank you.
Uptight, close-minded, “loser”
But I have my own thoughts, so hear me out…
Sex, drugs and alcohol – the self-indulgent, self-destructive trifecta.
Three things that people turn to when they want to change their mental state or feel something other than the “norm” (of their bullshit lives)
“But you can’t get addicted to cannabis, it’s not an addictive drug”
Really? That’s your only line of defence? C’mon… you’re gonna have to try harder than that!
It’s not the drug that people get addicted to in the first place, nor is it the alcohol, nor is it the sex, or whatever else (inc. food).
It’s the FEELING that those substances give in the first place.
Numbing the pain, having a distraction.
Quieten your mind, let yourself go, change the state from fraught, stressed, empty… get high, get drunk, let it slip away…
Dopamine, Serotonin, Endorphins and Oxytocin
The happy hormones
These are all naturally occurring hormones, the happy little quartet that help us feel happy, feel alive when they release and course through our veins.
There are plenty of natural ways to get these flowing, but some people struggle.
They’re not happy on a deep level – something’s “off” and they can’t seem to pull through.
People start to drink alcohol to take the edge off, it works for a little while, until it doesn’t, reality sinks in, so they drink again, drink some more… just to take the edge off, again, and again… until before you know it they’re about ready to pour tequila on their breakfast cereal because it’s the only way to keep from the pain, the agony, the stress of “life” that they don’t want to handle in a sober state.
Then there are the ones who get high… it’s just weed, it’s just a laugh, just something to help them be happy, calm down, to take the edge off, slow their mind… then it gets too much, so they do it again, then again, then instead of “recreational” it becomes “medicinal” as a way to cope, to get through life (I am completely 100% aware there are genuine, medical proven medicinal uses, but that’s not what I’m talking about here). They need to quiet there mind, they need to relax, need to destress, just zone out, just for a minute, or an hour or 8… then you get the “serious” people that start banging on at you about the benefits, the strains, how to use etc blah blah blah… the ones who hide behind the science and “It’s OK, I know what I’m doing” as a way to disguise that actually, all they’re doing is chasing a feeling – a none feeling, a way to not have to deal with the stress. The strain.
The ones who say “I can quit when I want” but couldn’t last a week if they tried – you can put money on it, and they would still cave.
Eventually, and for some, it moves on, the kick isn’t enough, they move onto other drugs, stronger, with a harder hit, longer-lasting effects, different effects… they just. keep. running. and they fall down a bottomless pit, which, when you mention it, just like with those who “like a drink” they get defensive – it’s not that bad – you’re just uptight and overreacting.
Then there’s sex.
Sex is great, it’s a natural part of life, two people (or more if that’s your thing) enjoying one another. But what happens when it’s not? I’ve noticed a correlation in the people I’ve spoken to, and funnily, they’re more likely to admit it when it comes to sex above drugs or alcohol, but when they’re at their lowest, they’ve had sex with more people – hypersexuality takes over when you’re feeling shit about yourself and constantly running from one person to another in order to escape the pain – when you’re desperate for external validation. Someone to take you on, take you in, make you feel good for a moment.
We all know the stories of the girls who’ve gone home with a guy after a drunken night, she’s felt good, then he’s trashed her, or made her out to be an easy lay, a joke for his friends… THen she feels shit about herself.
Then she runs to the next guy, the next sympathetic ear, hand, bed… it doesn’t even need to get as far as a bed in some cases. And there it begins, the spiral of looking for that one guy that won’t trash her, won’t leave her feeling bad about herself.
These people run from one person to another, from tens to hundreds, looking for a “safe space”. Validation.
And it’s not just the women. Men do it too. Some with the “I’m one of the lads” attitudes that mask his fear of not being able to fully satisfy in a relationship, or an even bigger fear of getting hurt – because we all know men can’t do that, society dictates it.
And there are some who are the “nice guy” who uses sex as a confirmation that he’s not like the rest – she liked it, enjoyed him, enjoyed his company. She even said “he’s not like the rest”, maybe they’re still friends, but really, and as hard a pill as it might be to swallow – he’s just like the rest. And so is she.
Running from one thing to another, and when the trifecta comes together it’s internal armageddon.
Now, it’s easy to feel disdain or disgust for the people who TRULY suffer from these addictions… but the addictions are never the problem.
We see it happen all the time, the people hating on the addicts, the homeless, the downtrodden.
We’re all people. All human.
With hearts, and feelings.
And if these things feel like the only way to numb the pain of reality, then to some it might seem like the only way.
It’s so difficult to be stuck in the throes of depression, self-loathing, fear, doubt, pain. It’s a personal hell. One inside you that you can’t switch off or walk away from.
When you look around and feel hopeless, no amount of success on the external scale is any good. It won’t satiate that need, won’t quench that thirst for something more.
And when all that pain feels like too much to handle, and the mind-monkeys CONVINCE you that
you’re the only one,
no good to anyone or anything,
that you’re only as good as you give,
or people only like you when you put out,
or you’re wasted,
then it’s all too easy to fall back into those traps, and a hell of a lot harder to recognise, or get the help you really need.
I’m lucky that I caught myself falling into those traps early on.
I’ve had my own internal rule book of what I will and won’t allow myself to do in my life. It’s not always been easy, there are times I’ve bent or stretched my own limitations, but I recognised they were personal low points – an indicator that I should stop, take a look at my life and figure out what the hell I’m doing and give myself the love and space to course correct.
I’m also someone who’s watched people fall the other way – drink themselves to an early grave, fall into drugs to escape the pain. I’ve seen people change through sex, drugs and alcohol.
I’ve known people die from the pain that led to it all.
I see people laughing to cover up that they’re screaming out for help – too afraid to say what’s really going on.
They’d rather laugh it off, “here they go again” because sex, drugs and alcohol are all more acceptable than standing up, saying “this sucks, I hate my life right now, I need help. Please help me”
Everyone’s laughing, but it’s not funny anymore.
When the drunken antics change from laughing with you to laughing at you.
When the drugs don’t kick in, so you need to go longer, harder, stronger, and you’re chasing the next hit.
When the sex is numb, has no feeling, no meaning, it’s just another person, nameless, faceless, going through the motions, going further, trying more, all for the sake of “this isn’t doing it for me anymore”
When you’re left feeling worse afterwards than you were before.
When does it end?
This spiral of self-destruction?
When are you going to stop, step back and realise that actually, hating yourself has got you nowhere, you need to, you DESERVE to love yourself instead?
When are you going to realise that you ARE good enough, and your worth has fuck all to do with what you do for anyone else, or what they think?
When are you going to stop drowning a part of yourself?
When are you going to stop giving a piece of yourself?
When are you going to face up to the fact that YOU are enough?
You’re everything you need to be.
And when you stop pandering to the assholes that want you to make an idiot of yourself, to make themselves feel better.
The energy vampires that just want more of you whilst giving nothing in return, because it helps THEM feel some kinda special, or important.
When are you going to realise, when are you going to accept that YOU are the only person you spend every single day with and YOU are the only person who you really need to please, that YOU are the only person you need to do anything for, and doing all this? It’s literally self-harm.
And the only person who’s getting hurt is you.
And, Newsflash! Those who really love you – the ones who TRULY love you aren’t the ones who encourage this shit behaviour.
The ones who do are all as dysfunctional as they come, probably even more so than you are right now.
The others won’t like it – the ones who celebrate, cheer you on, encourage what you’re doing, believe the “it’s all a bit of fun” line that you spin when someone questions it.
But people like me, we see it differently.
I see the pain in your eyes, hear the uncertainty in your voice.
I know, as well as you do, that this is bullshit.
That you deserve more
That you’re capable of more.
That you WANT more.
It won’t be easy, it’ll hurt, you’ll feel like people are turning against you, don’t like you anymore, they’ll leave you… but let me ask you this… if they really, TRULY liked or loved you the way they profess to now, while you’re destroying yourself to numb your pain, or to be part of their entertainment, would they be celebrating this shit show of self-destruction? Would they be encouraging this?
Would they ONLY be showing up when they want something from you?
They’re the people you’ll be better off without.
They’re weighing you down.
Holding you back.
From all that you TRULY are
All that you CAN BE
You just need to let that shit go.
Face it head-on, say “Nah, bitch. I’m the boss, I’m in control. I get to decide what happens from here on out.”
Take off the chains.
Let go of the ropes.
Stop holding onto shit that’s killing you.
LIVE. YOUR. LIFE.
I get it. We’ve all been there, so let’s sort this shit out
It sucks, right?
That shitty low feeling where you just feel down, deflated, pissed off with the world for no reason, and you’ve just had enough.
You’re not particularly angry, or sad, or maybe you are, maybe you’re just feeling “ugh!” (yes, that’s a real feeling) that kinda nothingness where you know something’s up, but you’re not quite sure what.
Well, how about we get right in there and sort that shit out?
This is my personal 5-Step Reset that I go through to get me from Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!
I’m not saying it’ll be fun n easy, there’s no magic cure, but this works, every time.
I come back to this all the time, and I’ve shared it with my closest friends when they’re having a shitty day (or a week, or month, or however long) and it works for them too…
So how about it, are you done feelin’ like shit? Are you ready? Let’s go
Drop your details into the form, and I’m gonna send you over a quick audio that talks you through the 5 steps I take, that are going to help you go from
Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!