“Really, I’m not that good.”
“It’s just a fluke… “
“No, really, you’re better than me! “
“Don’t be silly, you’re amazing. “
“You’re so much better at it than me! “
“Oh my gosh, no, please, stop… “
No, really, please STOP!!!!
For the love of all things lovable, STOP with the self deprecating bullshit already!
I get it, we grow up in this world where it’s “nice” to not be better than other people.
To realise and accept and (OMG!) have the audacity to OWN that we’re actually good at something – even worse – BETTER than someone else at something, or even take away the “thing” and the “someone else” and just accept that actually, really, we are pretty fucking awesome, smart, clever, funny, attractive, capable… all of those things and probably a million more… more so than, well, not being those things THEN YOU ARE THE SCURGE OF THE SURFACE WORLD!! (I’d say underworld, but that’s not relevant right now)
How dare you actually be confident?
How dare you actually take ownership of how amazing you are (even if it’s just a little bit, or a shit ton)
How dare you own that, and be the one that says “yes, I am. Thank you” or even better “Actually, I am pretty smart thanks.”
You’ve seen it, probably accidentally, when someone complimented you on your ability to do something and instead of instantly putting yourself down in the “no, really, it was nothing, I’m not that good” kinda BS, you said “oh, thanks! I know, it’s great. I’m really good at it”. Maybe, probably, not in so many words… then there’s “the look” or the “hush” or even the “you probably shouldn’t say things like that – it will make other people feel bad”
Actually unless you’re a complete 100% Grade-A asshole that’s intentionally out to hurt other people, then newsflash it’s not you being GOOD at something, or owning your awesome that makes them feel bad – no, it’s their own downfalls, their own shortcomings, their own insecurities about themselves and their abilities that makes them feel bad.
You simply just shone a light on it.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing… what is, though?
Is constantly putting yourself down in order to allow other people to continue feeling good about themselves in their shitty mediocre existence because you “don’t want to hurt their feelings”
Well, sorry Princess, it’s time you sucked it up.
Stop acting like a delicate little flower that needs protecting from everything.
Actually, do me a favour; yourself a favour, hell the whole fucking world a favour and realise it’s the 21st Century – Princesses are a tough breed standing up for what they want and owning that shit. And flowers? They may look delicate, but those pretty little things stand up to a LOT! They don’t all whither and die at a slight breeze, or a strong wind, they don’t fall apart under heavy rainfall. No, they hold tight, keep their petals and their leaves, and the next time the sun’s shining there they are! Standing tall and proud spreading out their delicate little petals in all their glory saying “here I am! Look at how lovely I am, how pretty I am, how awesome I am”
I mean, they don’t say that, but they could…
I’ve never known anyone who’s afraid of being right…
That’s what my Design Technology teacher said to me back in high school.
We’d had a pop quiz, I knew the answer, but refused to raise my hand, or say it out loud. Instead I wrote it down and a friend sat next to me stitched me up by telling him I had the answer on my page.
I felt embarrassed. Self conscious.
I didn’t wanna be right, especially after “the smartest kid in the year” got it wrong!
Because if I’m right, someone else is/might be/could be wrong…
If I’m right, and someone else didn’t know the answer, they might feel bad…
If I’m right, then it means I’m showing off…
So instead, I chose to “not know” (or at least pretend that I didn’t)
I chose to keep what I knew to myself, keep it locked away until it was needed.
If it came out, I would downplay it;
It’s just a guess
I’m not that good really
It’s just luck.
No, really, you know so much more about this than me.
I actually find it more difficult than you’d think…
I’m really not that good at it.
I might be wrong…
Honestly, I don’t know that much, I can’t really do…
And on it goes.
You get the picture, right?
You’ve done this too?
You’ve known something, known deep down that actually you do know the thing, do have the answer/solution/idea/whatever, and yet you downplay it to fit into this “front” that you’ve built to show that ”really, I’m not that good. I’m no better than you!”
Well… that’s a problem.
And that problem has a name – Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP for short.
NLP is, to put it simply – the way we talk to ourselves, and how we take that on board.
The more you downplay yourself, your abilities, skills, knowledge, anything, the more you reaffirm to yourself that you’re just average, basic, low-level, pretty shit.
And your wonderful little brain, as much as it comes up with this bullshit as a way to “protect” those around you, start hearing what you’re saying, believing it and then starts to wire you so you fit the bill.
You basically talk yourself stupid, sad, angry, stressed, upset, annoyed, short tempered, lazy, etc.
So if you’re walking around all day going “I don’t know how to do this, it’s hard, I can’t figure it out” well, you’re bet your ass you’re gonna believe it.
You won’t know how to do it, it will be hard, and you won’t be able to figure out how to do it.
Then you’re going to feel all down on yourself for not being able to do the thing (even if it’s pretty simple), start telling yourself that you’re useless, an idiot, a waste of space that’s better off just locking yourself away because you’re no use to society, and that’s just how it is. You’re destined to live your life locked away like a useless waste of space that can bring nothing to the world.
Guess what you’re gonna do then?
Lock yourself away, be a useless waste of space and bring nothing useful to the world.
You’re gonna not only spin your own web of lies, you’re also gonna eat that bitch up, take it all in, then start to think, act and live accordingly.
When you lay it out like that, it actually does look and sound and feel a little stupid, right? Right.
So how do you combat it?
Well, you do that really awkward uncomfortable thing, and you start paying attention to what you’re good at. Then, even worse, you start taking credit for it. Then when you’re feeling particularly brave and crazy, you start telling yourself and everyone around you how great you are. You’re gonna give zero fucks when they react in any way at all (because it’s probably gonna be a dig at how big your head is, or how ridiculously “self assured” you are) and then, this really weird fucking thing happens where – YOUR BRAIN STARTS TO LISTEN AND YOU MAGICALLY START STEPPING INTO THIS WORLD WHERE YOU’RE A HAPPY, CONFIDENT, SMART, SUCCESSFUL HUMAN BEING!
It’s fucking insane!
But you know what, it feels so much better than when you were being the “nice” person doing the “nice” thing of putting yourself down all the time because you might hurt someone’s feelings (insert single tear sad face emoji)
But doesn’t that make you a bad person?
Doesn’t that turn you into an egotistical twat that just likes to show off?
Not at all.
Not unless you CHOOSE to be either of those things.
I’m not saying everyone will jump on board and be happy with it, and some of them might decide you’re “too much” (whatever that means) but y’know what’ll happen?
They’ll get over it.
And with a bit of luck, they’ll start to realise that actually, being a dick about yourself all the time “to be nice” is the thing that’s making them feel shit too, so they’ll start doing the acceptance and appreciation thing, and eventually that will be the new trend and the whole world will be a better place for it (although that might be a bit of a stretch into the future before that happens)