If you could just wipe the slate clean, start over, do things fresh, anew… what would you do?
What would you keep the same?
What would you do the same?
What would you do differently?
What would you pay more attention to?
What would you not give your attention to?

It’s not often we get a chance to do that.
Sometimes it takes a huge change, something we didn’t see coming, to give us that. Sometimes, it takes a leap of faith we didn’t even know we were capable of taking.

We’ve all see the stories, or know the tales. Something happens in someone’s life, and they make a drastic change. They quit their job, move to a new city, change their hair, buy a new wardrobe of clothes, etc… they take a HUGE leap of faith, let go of everything, possibly everyone, that they know and start over.

I’ve seen it time and again over the years. People declaring for the world to see, “That’s it, I’m done, I’m not doing this anymore, not living like this anymore. I’m starting over!” And off they go…

It’s not easy, not completely. To turn away from a life you know and declare it “done with” to say “Game Over” on things you’ve waited on and worked so hard for over and over again.
To finally draw a line in the sand, one so deep and so far that nothing from the other side can get to you any more. To declare that enough is enough and it will no longer be tolerated.

Actually… I suppose it is easy. To make that decision. To stand up, shout “enough is enough, I’m done. I’m out. I’m not doing this shit anymore”. That’s actually pretty easy… the difficult part is holding onto that.

You can chop off your hair, buy new clothes, sell everything you own, move to a new place… but does that make you a new person?
Does that make you the person you keep saying you’re going to be? Meant to be?
Maybe… maybe not.
It depends on how willing you are to truly let go.

If you decide you’re going to lose weight, eat clean, move more, and be in the best shape of your life, are you really going to do that if you’re not willing to turn your back on the old way? If you’re not willing to turn away from it once and for all and never go back? Throw away the junk food, start today, no matter what day, not just “on Monday” and keep going, every day, no matter what?
This is an area I’ve failed in many times, each time lapsing further back than when I started the first… I’ve given it up. Thrown out the junk food, started working out, been dead set on the new way of doing everything, then after a few months, or a chance conversation, I’ve fallen back into my old ways. I’ve lacked the strength and conviction to hold on beyond the “who do you think you are to act this way? To be this way? To live this way?” I’ve questioned myself, doubted myself. It’s something I think we all face at some point or another, and it’s even more difficult to hold on when it comes into question by those we hold closest to us.

Who do you think you are?

Well… there’s the person you show to the world, day in, day out, good days and bad. The one already widely accepted by those around you…
And there’s you that you see and feel deep inside. Sometimes these can appear as two different people, one is a fake, the other is real. But which is which?

If you’ve spent your life being shy, withdrawn and not wanting to disrupt anything, so you quietly go with the flow of those around you, yet inside you’re burning, you’re the life and soul of the party, the one running the show and never backing down, living big with nothing but greatness… which is real? Which is fake?
Which is the one you wish you were? Which is the front that you’re putting up to the world?

So many of us live our lives in the patterns learned at a young age… we hold on so tightly to the belief of who we are, and how we are that we never dare question that the other version could even possibly be Real. No, it’s a vision, a fallacy, a dream, something to keep us entertained from time to time.

That’s why we do what we do, when we do, how we do…

That’s why we go to work for the right amount of hours, wearing the right type of clothes, eating the latest acceptable lunch, and socialising at the nearest haunt, with the right people, on the right day at the right time… It’s so… safe? Scripted?

It was almost like an unwritten rule that once you surpassed the legal age to drink that you would spend your evenings and weekends devoted to getting wasted in the local pub in order to distract or obey “because that’s what’s done”

I remember it being a “coming of age” ritual of sorts… as soon as you’re old enough to go to the pub, then that is where you will go, and alcohol is what you shall drink! “Huzzah!”

Well, I went on road trips with friends, long drives to get dinner, laughed with friends over coffee, or lemonade… I didn’t really fit in with normal.
While my friends were planning “party holidays” I was focused on studying, learning and figuring out what to do next. I don’t regret a minute, I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.

Commonality got the better of me though, I stepped into the expected roles and routines of someone my age, just as expected “finally, she’s normal!”

Hmm… normal…

More like bored… bored of fighting, of justifying, of trying to be without changing anything. It’s not the way to live, in fact, it’s not a way you can live; you’re either in or out. You’re “one of us” or you’re not… You’re either “normal” or you’re not… you either live the common way, or you don’t. You can have your cake, and eat it… but you can’t have vanilla cake and eat chocolate cake… it doesn’t work like that. You can only eat the cake you have.

It’s like that with everything in life. You can only choose that one thing. It’s this or it’s that. It’s either, or, not some from each side. A or B. Red pill, or blue… You’re either all in, or you’re all the way out. And once you pick, there’s no going back. Not really. Once you’ve made that decision, seen that way, lived that life, you can’t unsee it, can’t unlive it. You can’t turn back time and change things.

But you can always decide again.
Is this still right for you? Is this right now? Is this how you want to carry on?

Just don’t forget the other side of that question… the part that often gets overlooked:

Are you ready to give up what you’ve got?
Are you ready to move on and not look back?
Are you ready to make the change?
And hold on, no matter what?
Are you willing to do what it takes?
Are you so sure that you’ve got what it takes, that nothing and no one will be able to stop you? Even if you’re not sure, are you gonna do it anyway? And not allow yourself to be held down or held back by anything or anyone else?
Are you ready?

Because that’s what it takes… the belief, determination, and grit needed to finally, really, give up all that is not really yours. All the things that don’t fit into your vision, your version of how things are supposed to be. The way you believe, deep down, that you’re meant to be living your life. Yes, that includes people too, sometimes.

Imagine you were wiping the slate clean…
Moving on…

Starting over…

Knowing what you now, what would you do differently?

There’s still time, and there’s always opportunity. You just need to be willing to take it.

Are you?

%d bloggers like this: