I said a year ago to give me a year and I’ll look at moving house- but I also knew deep down that if I kept living this way, with all this crap that doesn’t suit me, then I would still be here, because the whole purpose behind moving is that I have a clean slate, and a fresh start – I can’t/won’t have that if I drag all this shit with me.
The physical shit, the emotional shit, the everything shit.
It’s like trying to run away from what’s in your head… it doesn’t work. You can take all the trains, planes (automobiles, cos I wanna finish that off…) in the world, go as far across the world as you can get before coming back, and if the stuff in your head isn’t dealt with, you’ll STILL feel like shit and be unhappy.
Fuck, you could take a rocket into space and go live on the Hubble Space station, but if you don’t deal with what’s in your head/your heart, then you’ll still feel like shit, and instead of the freedom you thought you’d get you’d be taking your own personal hell right along with you for a free ride in the back of your temporal lobe. (I’m not even sure if that’s the right lobe, but for now, I don’t even care – it’s your brain, in your brain)
Why would you wanna do that?
It’s fucking stupid.
But it makes sense to me now… I had to go through things this way.
I had to clear my mind of the shit that was weighing me down, slowing me down, clouding my judgement and throwing me off course.
It was all blocking my view.
All blocking my path.
The shit in my mind; follow the path; have structure; follow these rules/routines; do this thing; your way sucks, you need to do it my way… blah blah blah
I NEVER, not ever, managed to do a damn thing by following the fucking rules, or doing things other peoples way!
I’ve never lived in “the real world” it’s a bullshit notion I tried to force myself into because I felt I had to – I’ve spent my life “away with the fairies” living in “Debbie-land” WHICH, by the way, is a pretty fucking epic place to be – all the fun shit happens in DebbieLand. Everyone should come to play in DebbieLand, it’s a utopia for the weird and wonderful. It’s where the magic happens and shit goes down in the best of ways.
It’s a place that’s free of dependency and avoidance – where I look things in the eye, give it a wink, laugh at it, then carry on about my day. All the things; good, bad or indifferent. Why? Because I can. And because absolutely nothing at all on the face of “reality” is really that fucking serious anyway.
All the miserable people are the ones who take things too seriously – you ever notice that?
That was my undoing – be serious; act serious; think serious; think, act, do, repeat, think some more, think harder, think more serious, stop doing the fun stuff, this is bad, that’s bad, this isn’t funny, that shouldn’t be funny, be scared, be troubled, need help, ask for the help that someone else tells you you need to ask for, stop trusting yourself, stop believing (sorry Journey! “Don’t stop, believing, hold on to that feeling” well I fucked that up. Oops. It’s OK, I’m back… ), follow the rules, follow the plan, follow the beaten path, the path of the beaten, the downtrodden, the try-hards, and die-hards, and the be-betters and the do-gooders, but how is any of it any good if it’s constricted and painful? NO ONE NEEDS THAT SHIT IN THEIR LIFE!!
“You’re living how I was living, therefore you must be feeling how I was, so let me tell you how that is, and what you must do to feel a little bit less of that, just like I did, and then you can be like I am now, which is still shit, but less shit, but it’s OK, because I’ll help you be at the same level of shit that I am”
HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE FUCKING SENSE?!?!?!
Fuck right off.
Leave me alone.
Y’know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna let go.
I’m gonna stop listening.
I’m gonna let it wash over me, fully, completely, drown me if it fucking wants, and I’ll sit here crushed, heavy, destroyed, weak, and I’ll cry and I’ll bleed, and I’ll let it all happen and feel myself tearing apart, falling apart, until there isn’t a shred of “me” left, then I’ll take that, whatever’s left, the nothing, the empty shell of whatever was, and I’ll set that shit on fire!
Because THAT my dear, that’s how it’s fucking done.
That’s how you let it go, how you get over it.
How you get on with it.
You burn that fucker down and start over.
No, it’s not avoidance, it’s not trying to ignore the problems, the “blocks”, the issues, the whatever bullshit “do-gooders” try telling you you’re doing (the people who WANT you to feel shit so you pay them £10k to “undo” the trauma)
No… that’s how you handle the shit.
It’s like an infestation… what’s the fastest, most efficient way of handling it? Do you slowly pick them off one by one, forever faced with a million more, as they all start pouring out, every time you remove one, you find another, and another, and another?
Or do you light that bitch up at the sign of the first few and let the fire take the rest, then once it’s out, you’re free. You’re done, you’re you.
You get to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and walk away without worrying about it at all because it’s DONE.
Fuck the one step at a time approach.
I couldn’t give one single fuck about the expectations, the responsibilities, the recommended daily amounts, of what needs to be done, or how to get shit done. I don’t.
They’ll still be there once the smoke has cleared, and the ashes have settled.
In all honesty, there will probably be fewer because some of those will have been caught up in the fire. And it won’t matter one little bit, because, in all honesty, they were just other pieces of crap, shit you didn’t need weighing you down. Slowing you down. Throwing you off.
All the distractions in the world – all the rubble, just gone.
That deadening weight, just gone.
And what’s left?
All the space, all the freedom, all the possibility of the big rocks – the important rocks. The shit that truly deserves your attention. They’re here, they’re free and clear to be seen, to be touched, felt, claimed, had, held onto, enjoyed and loved.
Just knock off the dust and you’ll realise they’re fucking golden.
What’s the dust?
The dust is just housekeeping… it’s the tiny little things, the remnants of the rubble, that don’t take much handling.
What, you didn’t think that would magically disappear did you? Don’t be silly. Everything needs a little maintenance 😉
But I promise you this: Now there’s less rubble clogging up your life, there’ll be less dust to clean up too.
Just keep doing the dusting and the polishing, and all will be well.
I get it. We’ve all been there, so let’s sort this shit out
It sucks, right?
That shitty low feeling where you just feel down, deflated, pissed off with the world for no reason, and you’ve just had enough.
You’re not particularly angry, or sad, or maybe you are, maybe you’re just feeling “ugh!” (yes, that’s a real feeling) that kinda nothingness where you know something’s up, but you’re not quite sure what.
Well, how about we get right in there and sort that shit out?
This is my personal 5-Step Reset that I go through to get me from Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!
I’m not saying it’ll be fun n easy, there’s no magic cure, but this works, every time.
I come back to this all the time, and I’ve shared it with my closest friends when they’re having a shitty day (or a week, or month, or however long) and it works for them too…
So how about it, are you done feelin’ like shit? Are you ready? Let’s go
Drop your details into the form, and I’m gonna send you over a quick audio that talks you through the 5 steps I take, that are going to help you go from
Feelin’ Like Shit to Rockin’ It!