I need to share this…

I came up with this 3 years ago.

I realised in 10+ years of dealing with my own head, which had seen me diagnosed with postnatal depression, stress-related insomnia, depression and anxiety, which at times had me disassociated from my own existence, contemplating suicide and just coasting through my own life unable to give a shit, that I’d built myself a toolkit for how to pull myself out of it.

Because while we may feel those things, while we can ask for help, take the antidepressants and the sleeping pills, and go to the therapy sessions, NONE OF THAT means shit if we’re not willing to do the real fucking work.

The thing that’s hardest.
The thing that hurts just that little bit more.

The self-inflicted tearing out of our own internal sludge that’s crawling up and choking out our very soul. Destroying our happiness and killing us from the inside.

I know what it feels like to be drowning from the inside as it slowly builds until you feel like you can’t deal with it anymore.

So you drink, smoke, party, fuck, do whatever else you can to numb it out and bury that pain in some other way. Desperate to feel something else, or nothing at all for a moment. And yet, with a sore head and a bandaid you carry on feeling just a little bit worse.

And it will continue that way until you do something about it.

“You’re not depressed. You’re not as depressed as me”
“I wish I were as confident as you. You’re always so happy”

These two things don’t make sense being said to the same person. Yet they are. And neither of them make sense to me.

Depression is depression and it FUCKING SUCKS! It LITERALLY fucking kills. Unless you decide not to let it.

And you do that by stepping outside of it and being the confident person who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to show up and fucking go for it. Every goddam day regardless of how tired you are, how drained you feel. How much you don’t think it’s worth it or how much it fucking hurts.

You just fucking do it.

Because no one else can do it for you.

I have helped people turn their entire life around in a 10-minute phone call, or a few minutes chatting in messenger. I’ve been doing it for years because I know how. Even when I’ve been drowning in my own shit. Not because I learned it in a lecture theatre by studying Freud or whoever. But because I’VE BEEN THERE AND DONE IT MYSELF.

I recorded this audio to remind myself how. On the very day that I pulled myself from another depressive black hole.
I did it at a time I was being told I shouldn’t show up and share this stuff unless I was in a better place “being my best self”

I made it to help anyone else who might need it.

Give it a listen.
Follow the steps (there are 5)

You don’t even have to tell me how it goes, but I’d like to know, if you want to share.

Please don’t think you need to fucking hide and that this is all there is.

Live your fucking life!

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