debbiebradleyYep, keep comparing this with that and you’re gonna be a miserable, joyless bastard for the rest of your life.
Really, it’s that simple.
Let’s take for example all the new movie remakes.
If you sit down to watch a remake of a beloved movie from your childhood (we know there are plenty of those around in recent years!) you’ll sit down and start picking the film apart scene for scene, picking apart the new script, the missed lines, the new lines, judging the actors’ performances and comparing them to the originals. You’ll suck the joy right out of it. But if you watch it for what it is; a new film, and take away the comparison. You’ll probably find you’ll enjoy it much more. (Maybe… let’s not get too carried away)
Here’s the thing… it’s not just movies we suck the enjoyment out of.
It’s life.
All of it, every day.
Comparing now to then, this to that, you to them…
I mean, come on… you do that, don’t you?
You’re not as far as they are, not as successful, not as accomplished, qualified, attractive, tall, slim, confident, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah… the list goes on.
The grass is greener, they’ve got it easier, you’ve got “all this” going on, and it’s just not fair!
Stop it already, really, seriously, now.
I’m not even gonna say please, I’m not asking you… I’m telling you. Stop It!
Really, what does comparisonitis really get you?
Other than miserable… unless of course, you’re the top of the chain and better at everything than everyone. Doubtful, no one that’s secure… there’s always something, no matter how far up you are in life.
You start to feel bad because you don’t have the things you want.
You start to feel like you’re not good enough, maybe you don’t deserve it all, then you start beating yourself up. You’ve got to try harder, work harder, be more, do more… run yourself into the ground in your misery, and then just as you get that thing that you work so tirelessly for, you look up and realise that person you were trying to match? They’ve already moved on to bigger and greater things. And to make things even worse, they did it effortlessly!
You know, deep down, that it’s bullshit, right?
There are very few people who get to where they are without working for it. You may not agree with their ways all the time, but they do work for it.
But looking to those who have what you want, who got it by doing things you’re not willing to do and comparing? That’s only going to lead to your own misery.
You need to step away from comparing yourself to others.
You need to step away from comparing your life to theirs; you’re not them!
Even if you were similar, you’d never be them, and you will never know every detail of someone’s life, their history, their wants, what drives them. Never!
Even if they seem open, or honest about it.
People are weird and fickle.
We’re all messed up in one way or another.
Millions of people spend their lives running away from something in their past.
So many bought into this idea of what “success” looks like, and chase after it in an expensive suit, driving a flashy car, and spend their days miserable, just to say or show to the world that “they made it”. They brush off the downsides as a price they have to pay; happiness in return for success.
Sounds pretty shitty to me. I’d rather have both, but I suppose I’m selfish and unrealistic that way.
OK. Enough. Here’s the only comparison you should be making;
What you have, with what you want.
That’s it.
Don’t include other people, other things.
What you have. What you want.
If it doesn’t line up, then change it.
Start putting things in place that get you closer to what you want.
Decide what you want. Adjust accordingly.
It’s that simple.
Compare where you are now, to where you were… in some areas, you may be closer than you thought to where you want to be.
In some areas, you may have fallen away and need to work to build yourself back up.
You might see a few things that have crept in that you need to give up; bad habits, old routines, negative people. Things that no longer serve you, and are holding you back. Something you hold onto like a crutch that you desperately need to just let go of.
If it makes it easier for you to keep a clear mind, grab a pen and paper, open a new file, whichever, and write out all it is that you want.
Compare that to what you currently have.
Adjust accordingly!
You want to be in shape, but currently sit in front of a screen all day, working, or watching TV while eating junk food, well the answers simple… ditch the junk food and get up and move.
You want to build up your savings, but never have enough money left at the end of the month? Put a small amount away into savings on payday, you’ll probably not even notice the difference by the end of the month. If it stings that much, start small!
You want to travel the world and see new places… book tickets.
Sitting at home wondering about it, looking at those who do or have those things and moaning that it’s not fair won’t get you anywhere.
They work for what they have, even when it looks like fun.
They decided to live that way… the only thing you haven’t done is make that decision.
So what’s it gonna be?
Are you gonna sit there comparing your lack of decision to theirs?
Or are you going to decide?
p.s. don’t confuse this with envy… as I’ve written before, Envy is a good thing.
Envy shows you what you want; comparison is more about the logistics of getting there
