debbiebradleyThis is a kind of follow on from another post Invest in yourself at all costs?
It's mostly my thoughts around money, and this new world we're living in where everyone's a
coach, and everything costs thousands... so we here go
I have this… opinion, viewpoint, theory, observation… call it what you will.
It’ll probably piss a lot of people off. Hell, I know it will. But here’s the thing… this is my view, my thoughts, my feelings on something… insights in some cases…
Do you ever look around and wonder why people attach so much meaning to how much they earn?
The social status, the hierarchy, the validation… whatever they wanna call it.
It can be a manager at a job, or a coach who charges big bucks to work with them (because, exclusivity, obvs!)
I’ve seen it a lot, not just in those two examples, but throughout society… hell even someone who’s broke living on their last pennies day to day can still look down on someone living on the streets, never mind the “1% bajillionaires”, or, more likely the 6-figure types who think that 6-figures means they’ve “made it” looking down on the lesser mortals because they don’t earn the same, or drive the flashy motors.
I say that because from my own experiences, the 6-figure types are more inclined to do that than the ones who have more… it’s strange.
It’s everywhere, it’s rife, and honestly, it’s fucking annoying.
Maybe I just look at life differently, and see people differently, but here’s the thing…
We have a hierarchy.
And the higher up people go (some, not all), the more they’re willing to look down on the people lower down, or at the bottom, and the more they see those people as undeserving, not good enough, not as willing to do what they’ve done. Not as serious about making change in their lives.
These people see success one way – more money, more expensive stuff, whether things or experiences, or both.
You’ve probably seen them on social media… one minute posting that they’ve just preordered the latest expensive fuck-knows-what that’s marketed as the latest “must have”, then 5 minutes later spouting that they’re not interested in material things. Newslash: Your earlier post calls bullshit on you. You did that yourself.
Or how about the people who wanna charge the big bucks. We’ve seen them too, especially in the entrepreneurial/coaching sector… Bali’s such big business right now for everyone, it’s practically a fucking Buzzword!
Or the pitches offering to “change your life!” Helping you “live the life of your dreams!” Y’know, the life that’s just like theirs… and you can do it if you follow their “proven system” (the one that worked for them)
And for the privilege of that, they have a price tag ranging from a couple of thousand to ten thousand or more… and in the sales pitch they constantly tell you that “it doesn’t matter about the money. It’s not about the price, it’s about how INVESTED YOU ARE! How COMMITTED you are to change. To building the life, or business of your dreams.” Because if you wanna really wanna do that then you’re somehow expected to have a few thousand lying around to whack into their program, or 1:1 sessions… but it’s OK if you don’t cos they’ll no doubt have a “too crazy to turn down” payment plan for you… where the price is split into monthly (or sometimes even weekly) payments, which end up costing up to 30% more in the long run…. Cos you NEED to be in on their latest whatever.
Then when they’re talking about pricing you hear the same buzzwords “charge your worth” “Don’t undervalue yourself”
Wait… what?
Your worth has a price tag now?
You can be defined by a monetary value?
How does that work in the hierarchy? The pyramid?
The more you charge, or the more you have, the more valuable you are? To who? Yourself? Society? Your buddies peddling the same shit?
Get over your damn self already.
This is where the Ego comes into play… you’re only worth anything if you can afford to pay these prices, right?
So what if you can’t afford them?
Easy: “If you were really invested, if you were TRULY committed to making change in your life, then you would FIND the money. You would trust that the money will find it’s way into their pockets (they obviously don’t say that part), either by Credit Card, or it will miraculously find it’s way back to you by following what they do step by step. You need to make yourself uncomfortable if you want to move forward. You need to put the pressure on yourself.”
Do you know what this does?
This limits the people they’ll work with to the people already “on their level” or somewhere close by.
So what happens to the other people?
The ones who don’t have the cash lying around?
The ones who are already under so much pressure they’re at breaking point?
Well, they’re clearly not invested or committed enough to make that change in their life… cos if they were they wouldn’t be broke. They wouldn’t be struggling, y’know… if they were REALLY committed, or REALLY wanted it bad enough. sarcasm
Or how about the ones who TRY to invest, TRY to make the payments and fall short? Who struggle, yet find it from somewhere… well, they’re branded time wasters… an inconvenience. Not worth the precious time or energy from the people they’re breaking their backs to try and pay for this magical cure to their problems…
On behalf of the people who can barely rub two pennies together by the end of the week, to the people who brand them an inconvenience: “Get over yourself, and go fuck yourself” you’re welcome, thank you, bye.
Because I can tell you now… as someone from the bottom of the pyramid, as someone who’s tried the “pay your way out” method of fixing shit and getting nothing but more stress in return… you’re just creating a divide.
But this is where the psychology comes in.
People are either running FROM something, or TOWARD something, and as we’re all well aware, when it comes to our lives, running from a past can be a bigger push than running to something. Especially if what you’re running from is struggle and/or trauma. Cos lets face it, we’re running from it, further away every day.
And this can get caught up in our meanings and what we feel we’re running towards…
Have you met the people who grew up broke, yet worked their way from pillar to post, then pushed on upwards?
The people who got out of the shit, and never seem happy with themselves, even when they’ve “made it” by their own expectation?
How many of them are genuinely happy when they reach that elusive status or income level, have that dream house or dream car?
How many of them still go back and want to help those at the bottom? The VERY bottom…
How many times have you heard that if you want to move onto something new and better, then you should cut all ties with any one or thing that can or would hold you back? Or worse, pull you back?
Those people or things that could be a daily reminder of the struggle you went through… they’re not your people any more right? If they ever were to begin with…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for cutting ties and creating boundaries… I do it myself, I’m still practicing.
But there’s a difference between cutting off your past so you can throw yourself into the life of the “successful people” without having reminders of the less shiny parts of your life, and cutting people out who aren’t willing to grow with you, and actively tried to hold you back.
I’ve cut people out of my life who don’t support me, or help me. It happens, people grow and change on a daily basis. Some people choose to hold onto their same patterns and behaviours, and don’t see anything wrong with them. Thats fine.
I used to be someone who could be your best friend or your worst nightmare.
I could be callous and spiteful to those who rubbed me the wrong way.
I could be mean, and I could cause a heap of hell for them.
Until I decided it was a waste of my energy.
I grew as a person, now you can be a part of my life and we can get on fine, if you wanna hurt me, fine, if you wanna treat me like a piece of shit, fine. But I won’t rise to you, or lower to you. Cos causing you pain won’t get me anything worthwhile. It’s just a waste of energy. I’d much rather call you on it, and see what happens after that.
But I won’t leave you behind just because you want different to me, and your version of a best life is different to mine.
No one is “less than” me.
No one is “beneath” me. (take your mind outta the gutter!)
Maybe I have a weird way of looking at the world, but the way I see it, someone with nothing can be a hell of a lot more willing and committed to change than someone who can afford to pay multiple thousands to achieve the same thing.
The people at the bottom, from what I’ve seen and read, can be a lot more empathetic, a lot more dedicated, and a lot more inclusive than those at the top.
It’s not dog eat dog, or winners vs. Losers.
This belief that peoples worth is based on a monetary value is disgusting.
It’s degrading, and it’s created by ego.
The ego of those who perceive themselves better.
Just look at the world at large, we see it every day, from someone looking down on someone in the street, to politics and even celebrities trash talking each other.
What’s the benefit in that?
All this BS is just tearing people apart. Tt’s hurting people.
Under no circumstances should ANYONE be made to feel worthless and small just because they don’t have or want the same as you.
I could talk all day, share my life story, and relate to people on all levels in some way. From being a single mum, to my mental health struggles, my relationships, my bank balance, my education, what music/films I like, my hopes, dreams, beliefs, aspirations… there will always be someone on some level who will be able to relate to that.
My struggles were my own. My low point was low, and difficult.
Bad was BAD.
For me.
I’m fully aware that my worst would be a dream life for someone else.
I’m fully aware that my struggle could be a walk in the park for someone else.
I also know that struggle would be unimaginable for someone else.
I also know that for some people, my struggle could be a harsh reminder of something that they’d rather forget and leave behind.
Here’s the thing: I own my struggle, I own my past, I make it my responsibility to work through it and become who I know I’m supposed to be.
I will never shun my background, and I will always be grateful for my journey.
Because if there’s one thing I know… If someone was really committed to making change in their life, it wouldn’t be because they could afford to join a £10k coaching program, or £5k, or a £2k…
If the price of changing your life comes at the cost of feeding your kids, then most would choose food.
Because here’s the thing: If someone is at rock bottom, stretched to their thinnest, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially, and wanting to make changes, whilst still keeping their head above water… No amount of “investing” on a financial basis is going to help… it’s just going to add to the stress, the strain, the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness.
Sometimes all that person needs is a chat over coffee with a few pointers to the next level.
Not by someone who’s positioning themselves as better than them, and promising them big results and a fast track to success in all areas of their lives. They need a chat with someone who gets it, who’s in it with them on the deepest level. Who’s willing to give without expectation, and not seeing them as an inconvenience because they haven’t paid you.
Whatever is going on in someones life is big to them. Even if it’s not to you.
So do us all a favour… check yourself.
Your minor inconvenience, could be deep shit to them.
On the contrary though, I stepped into a new space recently… badass m’fkrs, self made millionaires (I’m not one of them – not yet) and I noticed the way they do business is VERY different.
Less “let me show you how”
Less “my way or the highway”
Less “unless you pay me thousands I won’t even look at you”
Y’know what?
It’s a much better place to be.
Way more fun, way more chill, and a whole lot more inspiring!
When you’re surrounded by the “I’m awesome, you’re awesome, let’s be awesome together!” vibe, things just feel better, they fall together differently. The community (yes, I’m talking online) is just more fun, more inviting.
It’s conversation, and a REAL, AUTHENTIC interaction, not just the lead to a sales pitch.
“I got you” are powerful words.
“I’ll help you get through this” is all some people want.
This is when being genuine pays off – no bells, no whistles, just real authentic giving a shit about people. Not just how much they can afford to pay you.
Being able to share something difficult/painful and being greeted with “OK, how are we gonna fix this?” and knowing it’s coming from a genuine place of wanting to help, rather than “why are you even here, you can’t afford me, and don’t deserve my time/energy/support” Not that that gets said out loud, but it’s echoed in the silence.
I’m moving into a world now where people have programs that cost hundreds, not thousands – they’re more in tune with people, and what people genuinely need to hear, what people can use and feel better about themselves, and it’s a magical space.
It creates freedom, it invites authenticity, it’s not something that can be overlooked.
So, on that note; if you thought “big bucks” were gonna get you somewhere cos that’s how “they” do it… look elsewhere. Check yourself.
I know people who are MUCH happier, and much more successful charging less and serving more in a deeper way – even when it’s completely free.
So.. big bucks, big ego…
Is it worth it? And is it really all it’s cracked up to be?
Check yourself… it’s way more fun when you’re with the people rather than above them
